I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
