At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
