I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
now i know why i became what i already was.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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