Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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