I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
