I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
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