dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
