Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
