I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
