i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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