i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
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