I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Randomize
