that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
