Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
