And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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