It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Do vagina's smell?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
