my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
