Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
True strength comes from lack of pants
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
