We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Welp...herpes.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
