It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
