Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
