morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
