So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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