Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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