just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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