Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
