if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
