Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
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Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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