just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
