who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
