i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
