hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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