my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
