Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
