the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..