i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.