I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
