In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
