Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
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He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
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i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.