I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
