So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
