Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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