he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
