You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
