my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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