At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
