You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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