so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
