i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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