You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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