you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
