Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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