hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
