one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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