I need to stop coming to work sober
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
