she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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