Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
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She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
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I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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