omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
