my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
