We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
