i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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