i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
