Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
