I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
