I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
