She's JV to your varsity
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
