you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
