Old men and throwing up are my life now.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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