the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
