Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
