Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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