In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
