I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
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