well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'm always down for nudity.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
