i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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