Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
