I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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