Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
