You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
